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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26273404">maybe not star-crossed (but daybreak)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8'>sunflower_8</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Complicated Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I think that's all the tags, Implied Sexual Content, Insecurity, Komahina Secret Exchange, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Discovery, Self-Hatred, Strangers to Enemies to Pseudo-Lovers to Friends to Rivals to Friends to Lovers, Terminal Illnesses, in the past, mention of unhealthy eating habits, there is some canon divergence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:54:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,438</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26273404</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Ah, Hinata-kun doesn’t have to apologize! He can do whatever he likes! I still appreciate him regardless!” he reassures enthusiastically, in an almost adoring way. </p><p>… And. The thing is.</p><p>Hinata has been viscerally aware of Komaeda’s attraction to him ever since he awoke from the Neo World Program. </p><p>(or, years of self discovery, where love fits in amidst tragedy, recovery, and a journey that is as much theirs as it is hinata's.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Hajime &amp; Nanami Chiaki, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>433</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Quality Fics</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>maybe not star-crossed (but daybreak)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=emmakoneko">emmakoneko</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Hinata Hajime is not a romantic, but it fills his thoughts anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s an identifier that isn’t exactly of importance, of course. Romance on Jabberwock Island, </span>
  <em>
    <span>specifically </span>
  </em>
  <span>in the aftermath of the Neo World Program, is something privately kept by each individual pairing. Occasionally, it’ll be the subject of harmless speculation on the slow days, but overall, it is just… a part of life. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A part of life that most of them never got to fully experience.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A part of life that Hinata doesn’t necessarily </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> to have a piece of.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A part of life that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants, </span>
  </em>
  <span>all the same.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He isn’t certain if it’s the influence of Kamukura on him that makes him hesitate in the face of it. The other is a lull in the back of his head most of the time, diminishing everything to uninteresting, and yet seamlessly taking control when Hinata gives the slightest hint of needing help, slipping into the role of the Ultimate Talent easily. It’s a difficult dynamic, and it would be a lie to consider it a linear sort of thing-- lines blur when you are made to become another person, and further, residing </span>
  <em>
    <span>with </span>
  </em>
  <span>that person in the headspace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata wonders if, before it all happened, back at Hope’s Peak Academy in the suffocating reserve course dorms, with little to hope for… he maybe pined after romance in a desperate way, if he wanted something to break the suffocating silence, if it would all really be any different to him now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not something he needs right now, which is what he tries to convince himself matters the most. He has enough overwhelming quiet, and even more overwhelming noise. He has tasks to commit to-- even though all of the Remnants have awakened, there are Future Foundation members to call, emails to send, resources to manage, buildings to reconstruct, surgeries to conduct… it keeps him busy, to say the least.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(He hardly allows himself more than the clinical, repetitive process of healing. Not his own healing-- that is far from the forefront of his mind. Rather, constructing robot arms and extracting rotting body parts and starting up chemotherapy. For the others. Not him,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>never him.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Prioritizing romance is selfish, in all cases. Putting it before himself and everyone on the island, losing himself in the want of something he isn’t even sure he could </span>
  <em>
    <span>recognize, </span>
  </em>
  <span>if he saw it in front of him, if he had a flickering </span>
  <em>
    <span>chance </span>
  </em>
  <span>of love… it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>selfish. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Excess. A lapse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, there is still a kind of yearning he keeps in the back of his mind, in the endlessly swallowing part of his throat, in the throes of his heart. A sort of fixation, solely focused on a single individual, who keeps him awake through restless nights and sends him directly to the infirmary for more work, who leads him to discover new places on the island that the person tends to frequent, who leaves him with an unfamiliar warmth that his body rejects like a disease because </span>
  <em>
    <span>love is not-</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One that defies all his wants and needs, all his thoughts on relationships and the others, all his thoughts on the person whom he thought he hated more than anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One fixated on Komaeda Nagito. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And this is where his doubt is born.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first time he hears the name </span>
  <em>
    <span>Komaeda Nagito </span>
  </em>
  <span>is in a time before the seeds of despair were planted by his hands, before The Project became more than just a whisper of Hope’s Peak conspiracy and research. He hears it from Nanami Chiaki, before she became just a program, before an entire class gave into despair at the sight of her death.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hears it from her at the fountain. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Their</span>
  </em>
  <span> fountain, he has taken to calling it, because while they aren’t exactly the only people to come here, they are most certainly the two students who frequent it the most. Before, it was a place to admire Hope’s Peak from a distance (one he maintained out of respect, or maybe self-hatred, or maybe an amalgamation of both), but after meeting Nanami, the cynical tones of the setting were replaced with a sort of safe haven.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s now comforting, for him, to hear the sound of her game starting up against the sound of rushing water, leaves and blossoms fluttering around them as the sun lights up the campus around them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In all honesty, it’s easy to get lost in the surroundings, in his own thoughts, especially when he has the </span>
  <em>
    <span>space </span>
  </em>
  <span>to. Nanami rarely presses any matter, unless it is something she’s particularly passionate about, so Hinata zoning out isn’t exactly an issue for her. It’s not like she doesn’t do the same. Which leaves them with a pretty nice relationship, because either of them are free to completely lose themselves in their thoughts without having to make small talk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>does </span>
  </em>
  <span>jar himself back to reality to pay attention to the game she’s playing-- it’s a survival game, which is sort of exciting, because that’s the kind of video game he thinks he’d be best at-- and listens to the soft breath she always takes before she starts to speak. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you know a lot of Ultimates, Hinata-kun?” is what she asks, her voice as dreamy as usual. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s sort of a harsh question unintentionally, since it sort of nags at the parts of him that </span>
  <em>
    <span>wishes </span>
  </em>
  <span>he could be an Ultimate, would do </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be an Ultimate, but he shoves that down and keeps his voice casual. (It’s not a big deal, anyway. Nanami affirms him of his worth a lot, and really, he should just… accept that things are the way that they are. But it’s really, really not that easy. Not when everything seems to loom above him, dangling promises of talent and hope). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, not really?” he answers tentatively. “I mean, I know Koizumi, and I sort of know Kuzuryuu because I’m friends with his sister.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Friends</span>
  </em>
  <span> is probably not the right word for it, but being her friend is pretty much impossible. “And I know you, of course. But, I dunno about the others.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mm,” she hums. She focuses back on her game for a while, and Hinata focuses right alongside her, but she ends up speaking again only a few moments later. “I was just thinking… a lot of my classmates would really like you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh?” He leans forward, just a bit. “I don’t really know much about them, but maybe?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s not really relevant, in any case, or possible, because I’m a reserve. So, why do I want to entertain this impossibility?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I can tell you about some of them.” There’s some passion in her voice, underneath the languid sort of pace her words take.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shrugs. “Sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She opens her inventory as sort of a pause screen, organizing all of the items while talking. “There’s Mioda-san. She’s… sorta loud, but she’s the Ultimate Musician, so that makes sense, I think. She’s really optimistic, she likes bright colors… reminds me of a dancing game… you’d get along with her, probably.” The idea that Hinata could be friends with someone like </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mioda Ibuki </span>
  </em>
  <span>is unsettling in a hopeless way, but he’s interested in the descriptions regardless. “She gets along well with Pekoyama-san, who’s the Ultimate Swordswoman. She’s really pretty and quiet; she’s defensive over Kuzuryuu-kun, too. Like a Skyrim housecarl, kinda. I remember Komaeda-kun saying something, once, and she was immediately at Kuzuryuu-kun’s defense. I don’t think Komaeda-kun meant it badly, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata tilts his head. “Who’s Komaeda?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nanami bites her lip, stacking some potions before saying, “He’s the Ultimate Lucky Student. He’s… sort of an outcast, I think, but he cares about the class a lot. I wish he would talk to us more.” She puffs out her cheeks in a cute way. “You might like him… but you also might hate him. Maybe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would I hate him?” From what Hinata’s hearing, maybe dislike would make sense, but hate sort of implies he would have done something… </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mm… Komaeda-kun has strong views on talent and hope. It might annoy you, but…” she sighs. “I dunno.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s a vague description, but it gives Hinata enough information to sort of… make inferences. Of course, Hinata sort of </span>
  <em>
    <span>expected </span>
  </em>
  <span>some Ultimates to view talent as superiority, and he knew that some of the adults believed it, but to hear it being an actual </span>
  <em>
    <span>thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> from someone his age… sort of sucks. At least the rest of the class seems to not agree with it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But… is Hinata really sure of that?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In any case, he tunes back into the way Nanami continues talking about her classmates, about a sheepish mechanic and a princess she seems to have a slight crush on. He laughs along with her, listens with intrigue and fascination at some of the things her class has done and somehow </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>gotten expelled for, and feels the sense of peace grow overtime (alongside his quiet bitterness).</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All the while, though, part of his mind thinks about Komaeda with a… weird sort of interest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(And for some reason, Hinata wants to both avoid him as much as possible-- which might be a bit harsh, admittedly-- and also… maybe meet him.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata doesn’t sleep well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His sleep patterns vary. Sometimes, he falls asleep in a random place-- he’s been found on the floor of the dining hall and at the beach, once, both instances </span>
  <em>
    <span>embarrassing</span>
  </em>
  <span>-- and stays asleep for the better part of a day, barely brushing below twenty hours as he restores his energy. Then, he pushes himself, neglecting rest for three days straight until he downright collapses again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tends to get nightmares, too. When he’s sleeping deeply and for a long time, it’s not enough to jar him. When he first woke up from the Neo World Program, though, they were </span>
  <em>
    <span>relentless</span>
  </em>
  <span>, leaving him paranoid and guilty constantly for all he has done to his friends-- his family, now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His family that he needs to stay awake to care for. His family he has to keep intact-- physically and mentally.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(He remembers that, for a week, all he saw in his dreams was a burning warehouse.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t sleep well, working on restocking and labelling all the medications they have in the infirmary, and he finds that none of the others sleep well, either. Some sleep too much, some function on caffeine and nothing else. But there’s one other person on the island that varies with Hinata, not exactly the same but </span>
  <em>
    <span>similarly</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata’s been monitoring Komaeda’s progress closely, almost closer than the way he fusses over the others. Komaeda’s health is precarious, even with the rotting flesh of Enoshima’s arm fully removed from his body, and one of the facets of his lifestyle that </span>
  <em>
    <span>directly </span>
  </em>
  <span>impacts his not-ideal progress is his shitty sleep schedule.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A simple example: he falls asleep at 4:00 PM, wakes up at around 7:29 PM. He goes to the dining hall, all of the other inhabitants having finished dinner and retired to their rooms for the later parts of the afternoon, and eats a worryingly small portion of dinner. He goes to his room, stays up for hours, and falls again the following day at 10:00 PM, successfully bypassing lunch and repeating the process. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s horrible in every possible way-- it doesn’t do wonders for his prognoses and mental health, and Hinata doesn’t like the dark circles under his eyes that grow more familiar with each progressing day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(It doesn’t suit his face. Because, well, Hinata can acknowledge that Komaeda is very, very pretty. But the shadows are… worrying. He still looks beautiful, but he looks more fragile than he’s ever been, even in the green pods, and Hinata wonders why he’s worried in a way beyond medical observation.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, there is </span>
  <em>
    <span>one </span>
  </em>
  <span>benefit to it, a meek silver lining that could hardly be considered one at all: Komaeda and Hinata end up accidentally interacting quite a lot. Komaeda follows lights-- buildings with fluorescents open, signalling that Hinata is currently occupying them-- and Hinata follows the soft sounds of Komaeda hanging out at the beach, throwing rocks into the ocean or tripping on some ridges and yelping.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The latter ends up happening when he exits the infirmary and sees in the distance a white-haired man face first on the beach shore, and he sighs in a way that isn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>fully </span>
  </em>
  <span>exasperated as he walks over to help him out (maybe fond, maybe fond). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda tilts his face, his cheek still buried in sand, and looks up at Hinata. He decisively accepts his help, straightening himself out and brushing the sand off his pants with a smile. His voice is cheerful-- far too cheerful for 5:00 AM-- as he says, “Good morning, Hinata-kun! I’m so sorry you had to see me in such a disgraceful way!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata rolls his eyes. “You weren’t disgraceful. You just tripped. Also, why are you even out here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda’s lips curl slyly. “Do you even have to ask, Hinata-kun?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah.” Fair enough. “Well, you should, uh, try to get some sleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Will Hinata-kun get some sleep?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s equally frustrating to talk to Komaeda and get him to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>… and interesting. There’s also a bit of heat that wants to pour into his cheeks, something he fights with a poker face, at the idea that Komaeda cares about his sleep schedule. Technically, a lot of people on the island do, but it all comes back to the inexplicable feelings he has around the other. In any case, Komaeda’s due for an answer. “I was actually heading back to my cabin to do that.” It’s sort of a lie. Sort of.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(He was probably going to lay awake, staring at the ceiling again. Maybe he’ll think about the other, maybe he’ll think about everything else.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I come with you?” Komaeda asks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata squints. “... Why? How would that help either of us sleep?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It could be relaxing to be near another person,” Komaeda defends, his logic slightly flawed. “But I understand that being around me is absolutely dreadful, and I shouldn’t impose even the disturbing </span>
  <em>
    <span>thought </span>
  </em>
  <span>upon another person. I apologize for that, Hinata-kun! I’ll get out of your sight, now!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” Hinata finds himself saying before Komaeda can actually leave. The other stops and looks at him, a curious but not demanding expression in his murky grey eyes. It’s sort of cute. Hinata isn’t sure why, why he looks at the other in that way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s with a defeated sigh that he says, “You can come with me,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>and Komaeda’s eyes light up in a way that’s really, really endearing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first time he meets Komaeda is a month after his conversation with Nanami.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stress has settled onto his shoulders, making a permanent residence there, as exams approach at increasingly rapid paces and life-changing emails chase him forward, forward, forward. He finds little enjoyment in his spaces between classes, isolating himself up in his room and hardly having time to reply to any of his friends (not that there’s an overwhelming number of people on that list). Occasionally he takes a break, but these times just remind him that he has so much to do, so much to consider, his entire </span>
  <em>
    <span>life </span>
  </em>
  <span>might change with a few signatures and-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-he needs a breather.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He ends up leaving half-finished history homework on his tiny desk, nearly tripping over his laundry bin in exhaustion as he makes his way out of the dorms. He figures a small walk might do him some good, since he’s hardly seen the sun as of recent and it might be less intimidating to think through things when he has fresh air to breathe and the soft ambience of nature surrounding him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hums to himself for the first part of his walk, careful to stay out of the way of others, but he eventually falls into silence as the number of people around him dwindles. He’s tired-- he’s so, </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>fucking tired-- and he should probably be adjusted to fatigue and restless nights, since he’s not exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>new</span>
  </em>
  <span> to overworking himself, but he hasn’t. Not fully. And </span>
  <em>
    <span>God, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he’d probably kill for a nap, for someone to hear him scream everything he thinks, to go to a completely different school for a few days and relax.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But would he even want that? Would he know what to do with so much free time? Would it even be </span>
  <em>
    <span>okay, </span>
  </em>
  <span>going to a place that would view him as equal, not endlessly lesser than another sector of the school? Would it even make sense to be worth something, when he has spent so long not being worth </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s in this rumination that he ends up near him and Nanami’s fountain, and he almost expects to see her there…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… but instead, he sees someone else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Main Course uniform is the first thing he sees, the red tie loose around the Ultimate’s neck, their jacket still buttoned properly. They must have been out there for a while, since their white hair, unruly atop their head, is slightly ruffled from the wind. Their grey-green eyes that remind Hinata of mercury he had seen in chemistry class is focused on the pavement, but looks up when Hinata’s footsteps grow closer. On their face, there’s a pleasant smile, one that Hinata finds strikingly pretty… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… one that disappears when they make eye contact with Hinata.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He can’t say he expected anything other than this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought reserve course classes were still in session,” they muse, which is an interesting conversation starter in any case. Paired with the way they were almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>glaring </span>
  </em>
  <span>at Hinata, it left him with… an unsettling feeling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They, uh, aren’t,” he replies eloquently. “They ended a bit ago.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah.” They smile, slightly, but it looks… more </span>
  <em>
    <span>cold </span>
  </em>
  <span>than friendly. “Can I get a name? Or should I just refer to you as ‘reserve-kun’?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>Hinata quickly decides he doesn’t like this person.</span> <span>“Uh, Hinata Hajime.”</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They nod. “Komaeda Nagito.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That name is… kind of familiar.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh. </span>
  </em>
  <span>That’s the name of Nanami’s classmate. The Ultimate Lucky Student, who has strong views on talent and hope, if he remembers Nanami’s words correctly. Someone that Hinata would either like or hate-- and it is </span>
  <em>
    <span>strongly </span>
  </em>
  <span>veering towards the later-- someone who is a bit of an outcast. Someone who Hinata isn’t sure if he should have a lot of pity for, or none at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s heard more stories since, ones where Komaeda is a background character. He’s gotten the vague idea that aside from his unsettling opinions, he also tends to be an overall concerning individual, with a shocking inferiority complex, calling himself trash near constantly. It seemed to worry Nanami, which in turn worried Hinata.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But from the way this guy is talking, it doesn’t really seem like this guy feels inferior at all. At least, not compared to Hinata. Which is…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… not surprising. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata isn’t really sure how to progress the conversation, especially one that started this oddly, so he figures he should make do with this new information, asking, “Oh, you know Nanami, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nanami-san is my classmate, yes.” He tilts his head to the side and sits up a bit straighter. “You must be the reserve she’s friends with, then. In retrospect, I remember she’s mentioned your name once or twice. I thought she was kidding.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeah. Hinata </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely </span>
  </em>
  <span>doesn’t like this guy. “Well. She wasn’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So it seems.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This conversation is going nowhere. “Well, I’m gonna go. And, uh. Finish my walk. So-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Hinata can leave, Komaeda speaks up. “Don’t you feel awe, Hinata-kun, walking around Hope’s Peak, looking at a school filled with such </span>
  <em>
    <span>hope </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>talent</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” He punctuates those words, wrapping his arms around himself and looking up at Hinata. “Doesn’t it put you in your place? Knowing that you’re a stepping stone for hope, just here to further the Ultimates’ abilities? Isn’t it beautiful, so beautiful that you know you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>unworthy </span>
  </em>
  <span>of it? Do you have another purpose aside from </span>
  <em>
    <span>this, </span>
  </em>
  <span>or do you put your value in mindlessly pacing the perimeter of Hope’s Peak Ac-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell are you even talking about?” Hinata interrupts. This guy looks </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>worked up over the random bullshit he’s saying. He’s managed to get under Hinata’s skin </span>
  <em>
    <span>really fast</span>
  </em>
  <span>-- which, yeah, Hinata has kind of a temper, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jesus Christ. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This must be the whole concerning thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda just smiles wider. “You’re rather disrespectful for a reserve. Shouldn’t you be worshipping me? I mean, I’m utterly worthless in every possible way and deserve to be destroyed like the filth I am-- but at </span>
  <em>
    <span>least </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’m an Ultimate.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata gives up, walking away from the other and running an agitated hand through his hair. He can hear Komaeda laughing raspily, still at the fountain, and it just forces his steps to go quicker.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(The most aggravating part of </span>
  <em>
    <span>all of that </span>
  </em>
  <span>is that it </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It shouldn’t-- the opinion of a slightly-unhinged, annoying, </span>
  <em>
    <span>pretty </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ultimate shouldn’t hurt him. But it </span>
  <em>
    <span>did. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because there was some truth in that mess of shit he was saying. Hinata is inferior. Hinata would </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>be inferior to the Ultimates he looks up to-- not as much as Komaeda said, but still. The whole being a stepping stone thing, he didn’t get, but… he </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>unworthy of this place. That much is true. That much </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurts</span>
  </em>
  <span>.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He decides, without much hesitation, not to mention the encounter to anyone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, make yourself at home, I guess,” Hinata says when Komaeda steps into his cottage, his eyes wide as he looks around the scene. Which is fair-- Hinata hasn’t exactly had time to clean the place, and he’s sort of a restless sleeper, so it’s a shitshow of a mess, as of current. Komaeda’s room, from what Hinata’s seen, is a lot neater than this, so hopefully he isn’t all that judging.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(Not that Hinata really cares about Komaeda’s thoughts on his cabin.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda replies politely, sitting on the edge of the bed. Hinata sits beside him, and they both ignore the bed sheets that are tangled at their feet. “Once again, I apologize for intruding.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I invited you,” Hinata points out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda frowns a bit. “Well, yes, but-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t want you here. I don’t exactly do things out of pity or kindness when I’ve been awake for over a day,” he states bluntly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other stares at him with a weird expression in his eye, something like understanding. “Ah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Hinata kicks the sheets. “Speaking of.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to sleep, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda sort of teases, but there’s a level of seriousness in it. Hinata sort of hates the way the other makes him feel like he’s fucking up by neglecting himself (which is sort of an oxymoron in thought, but). It’s something Komaeda has always done-- made Hinata feel like a fuck up, that is-- but it’s sort of different, now, when it’s more of a constructive criticism than a blatant attack.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s not sure how he feels about the change. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was going to talk about you sleeping, actually,” he retorts, clearing his throat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda smiles mischievously. “Did you invite me here just to watch me sleep? How flattering, Hinata-kun, but I assure you I would not be able to do harm to others or myself whilst asleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s,” he takes a deep breath, “not what I meant.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, okay. Sorry for assuming!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine?” It sounds too much like a question to his ears, but. Whatever. “I just meant, like. I’m sort of concerned about your health.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This doesn’t seem like the mood to discuss this,” Komaeda observes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata blinks. “Was there a specific mood set by any of this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda looks unimpressed. “Hinata-kun, we’re in your room at 5:00 AM, spending time together. I don’t think this is ideal for a medical visit-- especially considering how exhausted you are. I thought you were more trying to be a person than a doctor, right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… There’s some truth in that. There’s some pain in that. Hinata doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be inhuman in any way, but he knows, deep down, that it’s a difficult task to accomplish. Months of conditioning combined with the instinctual drive for survival resulted in Kamukura’s eternal boredom and apathy to manifest as a defense mechanism, one that Hinata employs in situations that aren’t necessarily defense-requiring. Like administering medicine, or investigating his own psyche, or trying to breach any topic with Komaeda.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hates it, but it’s part of him, neither nature nor nurture. Just… a trait, forced upon him, one he has to adapt to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hinata-kun?” Komaeda’s smile is thin. “I apologize for overstepping!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” He sort of has a headache. Maybe he should sleep. “You’re right. Sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, Hinata-kun doesn’t have to apologize! He can do whatever he likes! I still appreciate him regardless!” he reassures enthusiastically, in an almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>adoring </span>
  </em>
  <span>way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… And. The thing is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata has been viscerally aware of Komaeda’s attraction to him ever since he awoke from the Neo World Program. It didn’t take overwhelming amounts of self reflection and memory analysis to realize that Komaeda has had feelings for him, ever since the Despair Era, when neither of them were the person they are now or were before it all began. It’s present in Servant’s endless worship and Komaeda’s subtle (and sometimes, less subtle) affections. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s something that Hinata thought, initially, he could just… accept. The fact that the other likes him is simply a fact of life, like the fact that this same individual is still suffering from frontotemporal dementia and lymphoma, like the fact that the other has trauma neither of them can even begin to impact, like the fact that Hinata is privy to entirely too much about the other that he’s hardly </span>
  <em>
    <span>aware </span>
  </em>
  <span>of. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is why his yearning and fondness for Komaeda, despite his conflicting thoughts of romance, takes him by surprise. The idea that Komaeda’s affections could be requited is a shocking concept to both of them, one that might be earth-shattering or simply a natural progression of their current behavior. It’s a thought that he keeps in the back of his mind, primarily, believing that not much can be done until Komaeda heals. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And yet, it surfaces in the quiet moments like this, where Komaeda has that energetically adoring expression, where the moonlight accentuates his face in a pretty way that will only get more beautiful with daybreak, where Hinata is just staring at him mindlessly. It surfaces like this, and Hinata wonders, to himself, if he loves the other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If this is how it comes to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hinata-kun?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Or maybe it’s just a lapse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m tired,” he replies, which isn’t a proper response but it is the only thing he can find himself saying, right then.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda nods and starts to stand up, “Ah, okay! I apologize if I bored you, I know I can tend to do that. I hope you sleep well, Hinata-kun-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata catches his wrist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” he inhales. “You can stay? And sleep beside me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda’s face shifts, emotions spreading across his face like auroras, but they’re quickly stifled by another smile, one that seems a bit more genuine. “Ah, of course! Whatever Hinata-kun wants.” He takes the eagerness Komaeda exhibits while taking off his shoes and scooting to the center of the bed as confirmation that Komaeda wants this as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s odd how Hinata has the courage to ask something like that, despite everything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata draws the curtains closed, hoping that the sun won’t wake them up, and he slips beside Komaeda in bed. The other adjusts well to sleeping in someone else’s bed, all things considered, but he looks fairly stiff all the same. Hinata knows there’s nothing he can do to change his slight discomfort-- anything he could do would be a bit too courageous, and he’s already expressed a lot of bravery considering that he’s more contemplative than rash, at the moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he lays down beside him, facing the other who faces away, and he finds himself tracing the contours of his body (innocuous and entirely unrelated to medical concerns), the way his hair curls against his nape, how his hands lay at his sides. It calms him to study the other, and he wonders if </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>is love, if all of this is love, even if he has a thousand other concerns. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It takes a pathetically short five minutes before he says, “Komaeda…?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda still sounds awake. He wonders if he was planning on sleeping at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He breathes out a soft exhale. “Can we talk?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He does not see Komaeda again until after despair overcomes the world.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But by then, both him and Komaeda are separate people. The memories prior to the creation of himself-- Kamukura Izuru, that being-- are vague and only documented in a diary that Hinata Hajime struggled to maintain. And Servant, while not suffering direct memory loss of everything regarding Hope’s Peak Academy, does not appear to want to verbally recall anything regarding the school to Kamukura. This could be from lack of trust. This could be his nature.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They meet in a bloodied street, bodies scattered across the asphalt in an unpleasing way. From an aesthetic standpoint, it is disgusting, but Kamukura does not necessarily dislike it. He does not dislike anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He only finds this despair base.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Servant’s hands are dirtied from crusted blood, which is to be expected. His hair is awry, his face in a considerably tormented frown, and his attire is dirtied aside from his chain that drags obnoxiously loud on the pavement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kamukura clears his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His face shifts drastically when he sees Kamukura, which is the most interesting part of his appearance, as of current, and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>immediately </span>
  </em>
  <span>drops to his knees. It is certainly an interesting display, yet predictable, and Servant’s voice is raspy when he says, “Kamukura Izuru.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you have heard of me.” That is understandable. The only reason Kamukura is at this location, after all, is because Enoshima requested prior to her death that Kamukura take ownership of Servant. She had considered it a present to him, but Kamukura finds nothing to be a gift, especially when it is at her hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One of her hands is severed and attached in place of where Servant’s would be. Expectable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the Ultimate Hope,” he breathes. “I- I have been looking for you-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How convenient,” he cuts off his likely obnoxious rambling. He does not want to hear about his godhood from the lens of a worshipper. “As I was looking for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Servant’s face flushes. “You were looking for me? Ahaha, I’m sure you must be mistaken.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Enoshima stated that in her death, you were to be my property. Transitive ownership.” His face twists at the sound of her name, which is not necessarily expected, but can be easily explained retroactively. “You are mindlessly idling, as of current. You plan to travel to Towa City, but have not done so yet. You have killed seventeen people directly in your time of being a Remnant of Despair, but you are growing bored.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite his wide eyes and droll expression, Servant is clever enough to catch on. “You would like me to travel with you, Kamukura-kun? I warn you, I am useless in every possible way and unworthy of your presence.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kamukura glares at him. “I will determine that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“… Understood.” Servant hesitates before standing up, and there is shocking amounts of excitement in his expression. “I apologize for being overeager, I’ve never travelled with someone like this before. Someone like </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>before.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That is to be expected,” Kamukura says as he begins to walk, stepping over corpses with grace as the Remnant beside him trips and stumbles, babbling about despair and hope and talent all the way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>From there, an attachment forms. They continue to travel in this manner, relocating from place to place with little but each other’s companionship (and what they can find, in this cataclysmic scenario-- assorted piles of canned vegetables and month-old water bottles). Along the way grows learning, basic answers to questions that benefit both of them only slightly, though prove to be boring, as Kamukura does not have a favorite color or movie or food. But the basis of small talk leads to a more expanded exploration of morality, of death and life and the liminality of such matters, philosophy and physics and their prediction for where the world will be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kamukura discovers, then, that Servant is not capable of matching him in intelligence. However, he nears close to having this ability, exhibiting his cleverness in a distinctly separate way than how Enoshima enforced her analytical prowess upon her victims. It is refreshing, to have this difference. It is refreshing, by extension, to have </span>
  <em>
    <span>him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That is how the evolution of their relationship begins.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sexual ties between them have been present from the start. Servant is poor at concealing his overwhelming attraction to the other, and Kamukura has curiosities he was not interested in exploring with Enoshima. Thus begins tumultuous, albeit safe to an extent, exploratory intercourse, which Kamukura finds not particularly boring.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then becomes an inherent domesticity in residing together, in sharing beds (although, Servant only allows himself to sleep beside Kamukura if he is particularly in pain, that day. Kamukura does not necessarily mind if Servant continues to sleep beside him, but it is a matter of principle that is tedious to undo, especially with no distinct want to commit effort to it). Along with sleeping together, there is having meals together, defending each other from robotic Monokumas when it becomes necessary, and even reading together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It is all not particularly interesting. It is all not particularly boring. It exists in a grey area that Kamukura struggles to define. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He dislikes struggling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There is a particular day, once, that he would consider lucky (were he to indulge in this thought towards Servant, the other would likely break down) due to the numerous realizations had. The primary one, and the most convoluted one by far, is the realization that he is perhaps infatuated with the other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It comes whilst Servant is asleep, his body bare aside from the marring of bruises and hickeys, thin sheets layered in dust resting atop him. Kamukura observes him from where he sits at the edge of the bed, admiring the way the red sky highlights Servant’s body in an almost rosy way, porcelain skin glimmering with red contours that made the Ultimate Artist in Kamukura transfixed. Part of him desired to reach out and trace his body on impulse-- and it would not be the first time he sought touch out of poorly placed impulse. However, he refrains.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A small part of him-- a romantic, likely, in all but practice-- finds that touching him may, perhaps, detract from the natural beauty he exudes. It is not like Kamukura is anything other than manmade.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is a thought that crosses his mind often. Rather, the latter is. However, with Servant in his life as a catalyst, the frequency of such thoughts rapidly accelerates, and he finds a sense of permanence in the other. Something he is rather interested in exploring, given the time. There are many, many inquiries he would indulge in, given the time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They are not given time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had prepared an injection in advance, one to make Servant unconscious for approximately 48 hours. It is enough time to execute a procedure that would remove Servant’s memories of Kamukura, a similar procedure that he will attempt to repeat on himself (he has done thorough research into lobotomies due to his experiences. Even without this research, it would not be a particularly difficult task. However, his emotions pose a hindrance). He is aware that he should inject Servant now, as, according to his predictions and intuition, he has confidence in the fact that the Future Foundation will locate them within that period of time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He would like to evade them. He knows he is able to, that he has a capacity to outwit them, that Servant would heed every command necessary to guarantee their survival. After all, there is no certainty in the prospect that the Future Foundation would keep them alive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite this, Kamukura is… curious. He is intrigued as to what the Future Foundation will do, once they capture him and Servant, and he knows that they cannot evade the Future Foundation forever. They will grow bored.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It is regrettable, he thinks as he injects Servant with the serum, stroking his hair for purely selfish purposes as he does so. It is regrettable that they did not have infinite time together. However, Servant is dying to his own illness, and Kamukura is dying, metaphorically, to the boredom that he can not fully stave away, even with his agreeable companionship. It is poetic, in the same sense, that they will be captured and perhaps be executed before they could fully breach the barrier of worship and love, something Kamukura is not certain he could attain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In all senses, it is over, and Servant will not remember him by the time he awakes in the grasp of the Future Foundation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(A part of Kamukura recalls their first meeting with feigned nostalgia, remnants of the emotion that must have existed before his creation, and he wonders-- or, cynically, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>hopes-- </span>
  </em>
  <span>that he may meet the other again, and finish the life they began.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda rolls over and smiles, slightly sleepy. “What do you want to talk about, Hinata-kun?” After a pause, he asks, “Do you want me to leave?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” he says with a little too much force. “I’ve just had some. Things on my mind. That I want to talk about?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s sort of a half-truth, because it feels wrong to say that it’s been something on his mind. Because it has been, and it has been for a while-- but he hardly knows if what he’s feeling is love, if it’s worth indulging in this when he has so much to work on. If he can even be certain of his thoughts at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he wants to talk to Komaeda-- maybe to get perspective, and finally decide.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, he closes his eyes and starts talking. “I was thinking about the simulation, and before. More specifically, us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He can hear the bitterness in Komaeda’s voice when he says, “Ah. How I betrayed and belittled you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not exactly.” But it’s part of it. “... You said in the simulation that you were in love with me, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a pause. One that’s long enough that Hinata almost wants to open his eyes, but he needs to isolate himself in his thoughts temporarily, dissect the words and his feelings and come to a conclusion. It’s something he’s good at (but love isn’t survival games, or class trials. If they were, he would have figured this out a long time ago, back when Nanami was still around). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Komaeda eventually speaks, it’s brief but telling. “… Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And. You didn’t like me much before all of that, but… as Servant, you-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Worshipped and admired Kamukura-kun, yes.” He sounds almost nervous. Komaeda rarely sounds like this, and it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost </span>
  </em>
  <span>enough to stop pushing. “… Why do you ask? Don’t you already know this, Hinata-kun?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata sighs. “Yeah, technically. But I’ve been thinking about it more, and…” he opens his eyes, now. Komaeda’s face is vacant-- no smile, no frown, just a straight line that wavers if he stares hard enough. His eyes are filled with emotion he can’t uncover, emotions he doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to uncover. But… he watches them carefully regardless, makes note of how they shift. “We’ve had an interesting relationship, throughout all our time knowing each other. In our one encounter back at Hope’s Peak, we didn’t get along, and things in Despair were… intimate, yet twisted.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s one way to consider it,” Komaeda says, and it isn’t quite hatred in his voice, but something close. Something Hinata knows not to take personally.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And. I’ve been thinking about where it leaves us, now. And-- I mean, it’s something in the back of my head, but not really. Filling all my thoughts? It just sort of came up while we were sitting here, before I said we should sleep, and sometimes I think about it when I’m not working around the island. So it’s sort of…” </span>
  <em>
    <span>a dormant thing, has been in the back of my mind forever because I put it there, because I didn’t want to accept that I like you, because I’m too afraid and I know you are too, but there’s something about you, something about this, and I’m curious to know where it goes- </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda nods. “I see.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think you know where I’m going with this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a silence. Then- “I’d rather not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“… Rather not what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He already knows, but he wants to hope, wants to hope that Komaeda will allow himself this, despite everything. And yet…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… “Rather not believe what you are implying, Hinata-kun.” And the bitterness </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>directed at him this time, but Komaeda has always tore at him claws to hide something else, whether it be personal insecurity or infatuation or </span>
  <em>
    <span>fear. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hinata thinks it might be all three, now. “You are aware of my love for you, how you could use it to your benefit, how you could disregard me and I would-” his breath catches. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Komaeda?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“… hardly complain,” he finishes. “I would hardly complain if you used me, because it’s you. You’re aware that you could make this so easy-- and you aren’t even certain of this. I’ve been certain ever since I knew you, even when I hardly knew anything about you, even when I stayed with you to wake up on that island, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But you don’t, and you could make it so easy and just </span>
  <em>
    <span>give up on me, </span>
  </em>
  <span>because it’s not like I would love you less or hate you more, but you’re acting on impulse. You rarely act on impulse, so why are you…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There are tears in Komaeda’s eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“… When I first met you,” Hinata starts. “I thought you were pretty. An asshole, but pretty. In despair, Kamukura was </span>
  <em>
    <span>interested </span>
  </em>
  <span>in you, and he was bored of everything else, even </span>
  <em>
    <span>her. </span>
  </em>
  <span>And he knew your worship, and that was the most boring part of you, to him, because he didn’t like being treated like a god, not by you. And… and in the simulation, I remember the betrayal I felt when I knew one of the only people I trusted turned their back on me. And- and when I saw your corpse-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda shakes his head, but Hinata doesn’t stop. “-When I saw your corpse, I was so fucking pissed, because you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>smart </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucked up </span>
  </em>
  <span>and I almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>missed </span>
  </em>
  <span>you that trial, despite everything. And despite everything, now when I woke you up, when I had to run into the infirmary and out of it and had to do all those fucking psychodives to get you out, I thought it was worth it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hinata-kun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought-- I </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>-- that you are worth it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And even though Komaeda’s stare is intimidating, and even though Hinata’s so uncertain of everything right now, he’s confident in that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s never been more confident in anything, actually.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Hinata wakes up on an unfamiliar island, with an aching head and endless questions about his surroundings, he’s greeted by a stranger, with a slight smile on their face. They had slightly tostled white hair, cloudlike and wispy, that falls just above their dim green eyes, and they have a slender yet alluring physique that Hinata almost finds </span>
  <em>
    <span>pretty, </span>
  </em>
  <span>in his dazed state. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After they confirm that Hinata is awake, they introduce themself. “… I’m Komaeda Nagito. Nice to meet you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata accepts the hand he offers him and stands up, brushing sand off his pants (why are they at a beach?) and replying, “Hey, I’m Hinata Hajime.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda leads him around the island, introducing him to all the others that had left him behind, unconscious, on the beach (he can’t really blame him. He’s still embarrassed about how he just… passed out. At least Komaeda isn’t judging him for it). He offers his own quips and commentary about the island, one Hinata finds insightful, if not slightly odd at times, and he begins to develop a trust for the other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sort of. Because, well, it’s not like he can really trust anyone, when they all woke up on a random fucking island with no idea of what’s going on, aside from some random shit a rabbit tells them. But, for as weird Komaeda can sometimes be and the weird situation they’re in, he establishes him as trustworthy early on. Someone to rely on, even when everything goes to hell.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(And littered in there, far enough in the back of his head that he sort of forgets about it, he is sort of infatuated with the other. In a super base way-- because he’s a teenager, c’mon-- but, still. Komaeda’s pretty, and he’s friendly, and he thinks there’s some significance in that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course, everything changes when the first murder occurs. When the trial happens, and truths are revealed. When everything spirals downwards for the rest of their ‘island vacation’, and Hinata realizes that Komaeda should have never been trusted at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… But he can’t bring himself to hate him, despite everything. Even when he’s faced with his corpse.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There is a long silence that fills the room, after his admission.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s understandable, considering that Komaeda… has never quite had anyone stay by his side as long as Hinata has. He’s probably never considered the possibility of requited love or care of </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything, </span>
  </em>
  <span>has never been able to reconcile with the idea that Hinata </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants </span>
  </em>
  <span>to stay despite the fucked-up mess of trauma and disease his brain is filled with. He probably finds himself vacant, like Hinata does, sometimes, like every quirk about him that makes him </span>
  <em>
    <span>distinctive </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>worthy of love </span>
  </em>
  <span>is completely null, and that he is </span>
  <em>
    <span>cursing </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hinata by being around him this long.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s more fucked up than Hinata can sometimes conceptualize, but. As he said, it’s worth it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata breaks the silence, knowing that he should be patient with the other, who has had his mentality partially shattered in a brief period of time, but slightly worried that the progress they’ve made would fall at a stalemate in complete silence. “… Komaeda?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hinata-kun.” His voice is both empty and emotional, and it leaves an ache in Hinata’s chest. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I understand, still. I’m not…” he trails off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are worth it,” Hinata insists, because he knows the way that Komaeda thinks, knows where his mind is going. “We don’t have to do anything, or </span>
  <em>
    <span>be </span>
  </em>
  <span>anything, if you don’t want to. I just… thought you should know, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot, so. Thought it was worth saying.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Worth,” Komaeda echoes quietly. His laugh is at the same volume, raspy and choked. “I… I really like you, Hinata-kun, but I can’t let you endanger yourself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata shakes his head. “Your luck can’t affect me badly, remember? I’m lucky too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It has in the past. Before you remember. When me and Kamukura-kun were together, and how bad luck and consequent good luck would follow us around. He thought it was interesting. I knew we weren’t safe. And we weren’t.” He sighs, and Hinata wants to reach out and brush his cheek with his fingertips, ensure that he isn’t just a ghost. “If I hurt you, Hinata-kun-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You won’t,” Hinata argues.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda raises his voice, slightly. “But if I do, then I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Knowing that you chose to have something with me, despite all your responsibilities and all the risks I bring to you just by </span>
  <em>
    <span>existing</span>
  </em>
  <span>… it would kill me, Hinata-kun. I’m already dying and I’ve done it once, but… it would really, really kill me. I don’t think I would be able to lose you. I don’t…” He looks so tired.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata reaches out, then, and intertwines their fingers. Komaeda doesn’t push him away, and he takes it as a good sign. “You aren’t going to lose me. And I know we can’t be certain of what’ll happen in the future, but… I think we deserve something good. So much bad shit has happened, and we’re healing and everything, but I think we also deserve to find something like… hope. In each other. Y’know? And, obviously, it’s only if you want. I’m not gonna, like, make you date me, or something.” He squeezes his hand. “But, I don’t want you to keep yourself from someone you want-- something </span>
  <em>
    <span>we </span>
  </em>
  <span>want-- out of fear. We’re not going to die, Komaeda. And even if we did… every second that led to it would be worth it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda’s eyes flutter shut. It hurt to see the pain in his eyes, but his scrunched eyebrows and shaky lip is almost worse. “I… I don’t know what to do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do?” Hinata asks gently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I…” he cuts himself off, thinking in silence as Hinata rubs circles into his palm. Eventually, his eyes open, and his expression is tentative and a bit scared, but Hinata can see some hope in it. It’s almost enough to make him smile, but he fights it off and waits for Komaeda to finish. “I… I want this. But, I don’t deserve it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You want it,” Hinata reminds him softly, “and I want it. So, I think it’s okay for us to have, yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hesitates, but eventually says, “… Maybe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” he repeats, and then he gives him a slight smile. “I can work with maybe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda responds with a fleeting smile, one that makes Hinata let go of his hand and tug him forward into a warm embrace. Komaeda’s face nestles into the other’s shoulder, and he can hear a muffled voice whisper, “I love you, Hinata-kun. I really do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A weight he thought would permanently be on his shoulders disappears, and he breathes out a long sigh of relief as he tightens his grip on Komaeda’s waist. And, with a voice that echoes himself through all of the years of knowing Komaeda, through the stress and irritation and curiosity and trust, in a journey that was just as much </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>as it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>theirs</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he says, “I love you too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even after everything.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi!!! this is my exchange piece for the komahina secret exchange!!! this was super super fun to write, and i really hope my giftee likes it! special thanks to my friend for looking over this and making sure it’s coherent :D have a good day, loves!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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